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History of the Acadia Seatbelt

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The Township of Bar harbor was located just off the coast of Maine, close to absolutely nothing.

  • 1979 BC - The first SUV was produced by the tribe of Un'gu'raeth, which presumed to have lived somewhere in central North America.
  • 6 BC- Some guy was born.
  • 1930's AD- The Wizard of Oz marks the beginning of color on earth.
  • 1963 AD- Seatbelts are first required in SUVs
  • 1967 AD- Several children accuse General Motors of luring them into their vehicles to draw blood from them. The company is found guilty of witchcraft and faulty advertising, banished from the village during a particularly harsh winter and presumed dead.
  • 1967 AD- By midwinter all of GM's competitors along with half of the town's children vanish. Fearing a curse, the townspeople flee Bar Harbor and vow never to buy GMC products again.
  • 1974 AD- The National Transportation Saftey Board's safety standards are published. This rare book, commonly considered fiction, tells of an entire line of vehicles cursed by a seatbelt defect.
  • 1975 AD- Bar Harbor once again begins importing GMC vehicles.
  • 1979 AD- Eleven witnesses testify to seeing a pale woman's hand reach up and pull ten-year-old french fries into her SUV. Her body is never recovered, and for thirteen days after the disappearance, the street is clogged with oily potatoes.
  • 1981 AD- Eight-year-old Robby Wank'r is reported missing and search parties are dispatched. Although Wank'r returns, one of the search parties does not. Their bodies are found weeks later at the Carpenter's Rocks tied together by their intestines and hung out to dry, so to speak.
  • 1983 AD- Starting with Emil Hollandaise, a total of seven children are strangled on the roads surrounding Bar Harbor, Maine.
  • 1984 AD- An old hermit named Steve Jobs walks into a local Software Boutique and tells the people there that he is "finally finished." After Police hike for four hours to his secluded house in the Palo Alto, they find the bodies of seven strangled children in the cellar. Each child has been ritualistically driven to soccer practice and ballet lessons, and signs of severe computer use was evident on each body. Jobs admits to everything in detail, telling authorities that he did it for "The Crazy Ones" who thought different outside of the woods near his house. He is quickly convicted and hanged.
  • August 20th, 1997 AD- Coginchaug Regional High School students Erin Waldner, Chad Carino, and Lee Sawyer arrive in Bar Harbor to interview locals about the legend of the Acadia Seatbelt for the hell of it. Erin interviews Missy McShmackyouintheass, an old, quite insane, and overly sexed woman who has lived in the area all her life after the Vietnam war. Missy claims to have seen the Acadia Seatbelt one day near Tappy Creek in the form of an LSD induced demon. She then came onto Erin repeatedly.
  • August 21st, 1997 AD- In the early morning Erin interviews two fishermen who tell the filmmakers that the Carpenter's Rocks are less than twenty minutes from town and easily accessible by an old logging trail, maybe. They offer her some fish, and the filmmakers quickly hike into Acadia Forest shortly thereafter and are never seen again in Maine.
  • August 25th, 1997 AD- The first APB is issued for the missing Nintendo 64. Chad's car is found later in the day parked in his driveway.
  • August 25th, 1997 AD- The Maine State Police launch their search of the Bar Harbor area, an operation that lasts ten days and includes up to one hundred men aided by dogs, helicopters, and even a fly over by a Department of Defense Satellite.
  • September 5th, 1997 AD- The search is called off after 33,000 man hours when the Police realize that the Nintendo had already been returned to Blockbuster one week ago. Erin's mother, Kim Waldner, begins an exhaustive personal search for her daughter and her two companions, who were three minutes late for Erin's curfew.
  • June 18th, 1998 AD- The case is declared inactive and unsolved.
  • July 17th, 1998 AD- Students from the University of Connecticut's Anthropology Department discover a duffel bag containing film cans, DAT tapes, video-cassettes, a Hi-8 video camera, Erins's personal diary and a CP-16 film camera buried under the foundation of a 100 year-old garage. When the evidence is examined, Bar Harbor Sheriff Rip VanSminkle announced that the 11 rolls of black and white film and 10 HI8 video tapes are indeed the property of Erin Waldner and her crew, but that he could not find the Nintendo.
  • July 18th, 1998 AD- After an initial study of the bag's contents, select pieces of film footage are shown to the families. According to Kim Waldner, there are several unusual events but nothing conclusive. The families question the quality of their filmmaking and demanded another look.
  • July 20th, 1998 AD- The families are shown a second group of clips that local law enforcement officials consider to be faked. Outraged, Mrs. Waldner goes public with her criticism and Sheriff VanSminkle restricts all access to the evidence; a restriction that two lawsuits fail to lift. The world breathes a sigh of relief, for the movies are considered highly unentertaining.
  • July 31st, 1998 AD- The Sheriff's department announces that the evidence is inconclusive and the case is once again declared inactive and unsolved. The footage is to be released to the families when the legal limit of its classification runs out, on August 16, 1998.
  • September 28th, 1998 AD- The found footage of their children's last days in Maine is turned over to the families of Erin Waldner, Chad Carino, and Lee Sawyer. Much to the chagrin of greater society, Kim Waldner contracts Stuf Films to examine the footage and piece together the events of August 20 - 28, 1997. David Carino laughs. Elizabeth Sawyer takes away Lee's driver's licence.

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